Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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