I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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