His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
