Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
thus making me awesome and them whores
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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