I seem to have left my pride at pride
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have fence marks all over my body
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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