Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
