After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
