oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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