even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We have started to decorate penises.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
