I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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