No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
