there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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