that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
