I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
