i permit you to call me
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
