My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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