Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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