Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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