I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Then you guys just all showered together...?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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