"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
