I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
His nipple licking is glorious
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