dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
