I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
