You smell like a Billy Joel song
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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