i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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