just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
