yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
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we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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