I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
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apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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