i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
