Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
