You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Let's get the cat blown out
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize