in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
