I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
