You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
