you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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