Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Panties = found
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
