I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
