So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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