I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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