Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
