I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
