i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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