Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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