why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
