Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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