1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Damn victory sex feels great
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
