Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
