I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Sext me about skeletons
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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