i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
