that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
