things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
