i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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