i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
