She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
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He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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