Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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