last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
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im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
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I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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