John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.