you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
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She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.