Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
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Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
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Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?