normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist