No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
