Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
