TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
